freecat15: (Default)
To an overall interesting post by  [ profile] carlyinrome that [ profile] gillo   reposted, she added the link to an impressing and scary analysis, which could easily be dismissed as conspiracy theory, and some commenters did.

I don't, and here is why:

 photo Zeit Artikel_zpsjyr8atnm.png

The comparison of Trump and Hitler is as well-known as it is obvious. But despite knowing all the facts mentioned in the article and being acutely aware of the parallels especially in recent days, it is really chilling to the bone reading it juxtaposed to the analysis Gillo linked to.

I'm so proud of all of those of you who fight, whether it be by marching, donating, sharing informations, engaging politically, contacting representatives, or organizing resistance.

To us outside the US there's not much we can do about it (yet). I have subscribed to the NYT and the WP, donated to Planned Parenthood and ACLU and will donate to the fund 'She Decides' that Lilianne Ploumen, the dutch minister for foreign trade and development co-operation launched ( )

My two younger children (10 and 12) 'caught' me donating to ACLU on Monday and were a bit surprised that I donated when they so often hear that I can't afford to go watch a movie at the cinema every two weeks with them. When I told them what ACLU and Planned Parenthood are doing with the money, they insisted that they wanted to help, too, and gave me 10 € each for me to donate for them. Actually this is a theme you can see everywhere - even children are engaging, marching, scribbling signs, and I'm sure mine aren't the only ones donating from their allowance.

There might still be hope after all.

[Bad username or unknown identity:   ]
freecat15: (Default)
I haven't been here in a while, and I don't even had a good reason for it. Nothing grave happened.

Well, except - election.
It will probably sound weird, what with me not even being American or at least living in America, but it's really the main reason for my absence.

Brexit had shocked me enough for dreading the outcome of the US election and getting kind of obsessed with everything I could get my hand on the weeks before. I so hadn't expected for Brexit to happen, and the similarities in the way everything developed and in the way I felt about it were too striking not to be scared.

After election night (well, night over here in Germany), that I hadn't slept at all but sat paralyzed in front of my computer, I was in shock for days.
I tried to tell some of my friends in comments to their own shocked posts, but I kind of couldn't express adequately how I felt, especially with not being American, so not as affected as they are. Which, of course, is true, but it doesn't feel that way.

I've been born in 1966 and grew up in the middle of Cold War, spending my whole youth during the coldest times of all. It were really scary times, maybe in Germany even scarier than elsewhere since both parts of our country kind of were pawns in the game, and it was here where the nuclear weapons would've hit first. I wasn't even particularly politically interested back then, but no one didn't care about politics at all - the threat was much too real and much too every-day present. We all went to demonstrations on a regular basis since we were ten (quick comparison to my kids, between ten and 18 years old - not one of them ever was on a demo). The end of the Cold War was a relief that younger people probably can't comprehend.

And now - for the first time since those days I feel fear about the future. And much worse than back then even, and it has a lot to do with Trump being elected. Every decision he made until now, every single calling he announced, every tweet he posts, every word he speaks shows how real the threat this time is. A lot of it concerns the US only, of course. These parts are bad enough, and even if I personally don't have to suffer through this does it make me beyond angry on behalf of all Americans, and especially those on my flist.

But what really scares me is the massive change of America's role in the world that will happen and the dire consequences it will have in all the world. Russia, Middle East, Israel - I fear that is just the beginning, and it would be naive to expect my home country not to be involved in one way or another.

What also really frightens me is the role of the new media in all of this. It's uncontrollable, and the results have never been so obvious as in November. And again - I fear that this was just the beginning. The elections in Germany and France this year will be the next target, in a time when xenophobia is rising here anyway because of the refugee crisis in Europe. Austria has been the only slight gleam of hope last year, but even there it was close.

And add to all of this the attacks happening in the free world - I often don't know anymore what to tell my kids.

So, anyway. Nothing of this is new to all of you. I just felt the need to explain why I haven't been commenting those last few months as I usually do - I'm sorry for that. I was mostly reading NYT online (and others) in my free time (which isn't that much anyway), and I couldn't muster the mood to read or ogle or comment anything fandom related. I completely missed Fag End's Halloween thing, and the very last prompts over there ever (  :(  ), and I missed even a lot of Seasonal Spuffy. I will try to catch up in the next weeks, at least on the shorter stories (no promises, though; I have no idea how much time I will really have.).

On a completely unrelated note (except if you see it like I do as the last effort of 2016 to screw us over...), I created an account with the same name on Dreamwidth yesterday after I read about the concerning news of LJ's server move to Russia. I'm posting from there now, cross posting everything here. Just in case this whole thing here blows up one day, I don't want to lose all my friends. I'll try to find you all there...I think I finally figured out how to friend you there.

And I wish all of you a very happy new year!

Runner Up!

Oct. 20th, 2016 11:35 pm
freecat15: (Buffy lips)
I still can't really believe this: My icon has been voted Runner Up on [ profile] wicked_awards:


Thank you so, so much, whoever nominated it!

And congrats to all the other winners on my flist (and wow, there are a lot, and well deserved each one of them! Check it out, lots of pretty pictures to look at and great fics to read: )!
freecat15: (Spuffy Porch)
I said I would post everything I've written on my LJ bit by bit, so here is the next piece.
This was my very first entry anywhere on LJ, and I was so damn nervous... Since almost everyone on my flist also reads over on Fag Ends, you'll probably all know it already anyway, but I really want to have it all in one place (I had already forgotten about this one...).

Prompt: Synchronised Moves
Setting: BtVS early s6/ around 'All the Way'
Rating: PG 15
Length: 100 words


He kicks, too, the same moment as she does; she sees it from the corner of her eye.

Her demon approaches her with a roar. So does Spike’s, but each deals them several blows, followed by a side kick, moving toward each other, back to back.

They exchange a glance, and then their demons; with a spin kick they introduce themselves to their new opponent. Then they both whirl once more, using the momentum to sever their demon’s heads, Buffy with her sword, Spike with the ax.

They are completely in sync, she thinks, startled.

Dancing on thin ice.
freecat15: (smile)
It's been a while...
I had some busy and exciting weeks, so I just didn't find the time to post anything. Two weeks ago school started again, and the only one of us just going back there as before is my third son (a seventh grader now).
My oldest son graduated from high school in July and starts going to college in October. My second son left junior high school and is a sophomore student at high school now, and my daughter went from elementary to junior high (or middle school? I'm not really clear on what it's called. She's in fifth grade now).

And I, I said 'good bye' to my fourth graders in July, too (they also left elementary) and 'hello' to a new class of first graders last week which will be my class for the next four years.

I'm positively surprised by these students. I'm working in a school in a social hot spot with all the challenges you'd expect to have there, and my last class was - difficult. I loved them, but it took a lot of strength to work with them, even more than usual. The new ones seem to be a lot calmer and ready to observe the rules, and while there were some really aggressive vibes from day one in my last class, this one didn't show any sign of that until now. A LOT better start than four years ago, so I'm pretty happy. Of course there's the highly traumatized refugee boy who kind of does what he wants (and comes when he wants...), but he does it friendly. There's this other refugee boy that doesn't speak much German, but I gladly switched to English for the important things once I realized he speaks some. Also, he smiles all the time and is generally totally cute. Then there's this boy whose stepfather already threatened me and the principal (because we believed his son who said no one had beaten him, go figure), but his son is a little weird, but not aggresive at all. And the others are pretty normal, cute kids. Good times.

Meanwhile I got some more banners *beams* :

banner WE149MC.png
banner WE149BMC.png
Banner SS 74.png

They are all made by the wonderful [ profile] red_satin_doll, and as always with her banners they are not just gorgeous, but bring out the icons even better than they are solo!

And then there was the first challenge over at [ profile] btvs_lims, and what I never expected - I survied it, without a single vote against my icon at that! There was really tough competition, awesome icons all around, so I'm beyond happy I still survived! Tonight is the deadline of the second challenge with the voting probably posted tomorrow, so go have a look and maybe even vote.

To complete the good things happening to me lately - another one of my fics has been nominated at [ profile] wicked_awards ! It was my entry at seasonal spuffy - A New Life. It's not that I see any chance in winning anything there, the competition is way too strong, but just being nominated means someone thought it worthy, and that is just neat! So THANK YOU whoever did it!!! You absolutely made my day!
freecat15: (family)
With all the being so happy I totally forgot to mention that nominations will still be open for the rest of the month at [ profile] wicked_awards !
I really want to encourage you to go over all the fics you loved, and all the art you admired lately and do the creator the honor to nominate them. You will definitely make their day!

It's open for fics and graphics not only for BtVS and Angel, but also for Firely, Stargate, Charmed, Doctor Who, Torchwood, Star Trek, Supernatural, Teen Wolf, and X-Files. It doesn't even need do be new; only past year's winners arn't allowed.

Do it. Go noniate!
freecat15: (smile)
I actually couldn't believe it. Even less than the first time, and let me tell you, I checked for five minutes then wether I really understood it right.

I've been nominated again, but this time - for one of my icons! An icon of me is nominated at [ profile] wicked_awards ! Can you believe that? I still barely can!
It's this one:

Anya looking downicon10.png

I still feel weird with all the bragging, that's usually not my style (and other than certain bleached blonde ones, I really mean that), but I have to tell someone who understands how truly fantastic I feel with this! It's not about getting congrats.
And I don't need to win. Being nominated - I already won.

Whoever did this - thank you so, so much! It was a wonderful present!
freecat15: (Passion)
I realized I didn't post the nominated drabble on my journal yet of these days I'm going to go though my stuff and post the few things I posted elsewhere (including haiku and such...) here too. Even if most people on my flist have read it already, it feels...more complete, somehow.
And I'm starting with this.

The double drabble was written for  [ profile] sb_fag_ends. It was inspired by the wonderful banner nmcil12 posted over at Seasonal Spuffy: . Go have a look at it if you haven't already.

Many thanks to the lovely red_satin_doll who beta read it, despite still being half sick.

Title: see me feel me/ touch me heal me
Prompt: Wishful Thinking
Setting: BtVS s6, around DMP
Rating: PG15
Length: 200 words (plus titles)

see me feel me

Her eyes are closed.

He presses a kiss right beside one, a silent plea to open them, but she turns her head. Striving away from him, always away, with every part she doesn’t need connected to him.

At the same time she clamps him with her legs, hard, punishing him instantly for this audacity, making unmistakably clear which part of him she’s here for. Not his lips.

Not on her face at least.


He only thinks her name, softly, tenderly. Needing to be closer to her, but not daring to say it.

He wishes she would see him.

touch me heal me

She can almost hear him say her name, the same tenderness in his voice that she feels in his hands on her body. She tries to flee from it, to move away from him.

Can’t though. Can’t afford to leave this behind. This brief connection to the world, this brief semblance of life.

His kiss beside her eye burns into her, and she feels tears welling up behind her lids. Can’t shed them, of course. Can’t open her eyes. He already knows too much.

Because however she tries to hide, he always sees her.

She’s afraid she could see him too.

(Titles by The Who)


Aug. 11th, 2016 10:26 pm
freecat15: (glee)

I'm nominated at  [ profile] wicked_awards! To be exact - the last (double) drabble I wrote for [ profile] sb_fag_ends is! I can't even tell you how happy that made me! I feel honored and am flattered by the company I find myself in!

So, whoever did it - thank you so much!
freecat15: (Slayer)
I did round 10. Got thrown out in the frist challenge. Did the come-back challenge - alas, I didn't come back.
But: It was still fun, and I learned so much that round! The concrit I (and otheres, even though I didn't always agree) got there was kind and so helpful, and I want that again!

So, despite knowing I've no chance in hell to survive even one challenge, I'm still going to do it again:

Sign ups at [ profile] lims_btvs are still possible, so go over and, well, sign up! The more participate, the more fun it is!


Jun. 26th, 2016 03:18 pm
freecat15: (smile)
Three more awards for my icons, and one is even for First Place!
I still don't know what else to do with these, and I'm too proud to not show them...
Also, the banners made by [ profile] starry_night are gorgeous, aren't they? Challenge #70 was '100' - icons for episode 100 of either BtVS or ATS, hence the tower platform in the background.

Banner SS#70.png

Banner SS#70MC.png

Banner SS#71.png
freecat15: (Loss)

I haven't been awake that quickly for years like this morning when I caught only the last words of a sentence on my radio: "...never would have believed it."
I instantly knew - the worst case scenario has become reality. Great Britain voted for 'leave'. And I still can't believe it.
I'm shocked.

It's hard for the EU, but we will deal.
I'm afraid that for the UK it'll be a catastrophy.
What I find most dramatic is that, other than protest-voting for populists of the extreme right (or left) fringes of the political spectrum, the Brexit is permanent. It's nothing that can be undone by the next election, even if it turns out to be a mistake. I really, really hope it won't be.

I'm so, so sorry that it turned out that way. I feel with all of you who voted for 'remain', and who are scared now.

freecat15: (Giles with rose)
Yes, I'm still writing...

Day 12: favorite season 2 episode

In season 2 the quality of the show improves considerably. While there are still some slip-ups to mourn (I look at you, Go Fish!), it also contains some episodes that in my opinion belong to the best of the whole show. It already starts with When She Was Bad that correlates directly not only with regards to content, but also quality wise with its fantastic predecessor Prophecy Girl.  School Hard follows, Lie To Me, Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered, I Only Have Eyes For You and the fantastic double features Surprise/Innocence and, of course, Becoming I and II. All of them are television at its best; but there’s one episode that really knocks it out of the park for me: Passion.

Passion is a milestone. It’s the one episode where the audience gets hit with the fact that on this show, NO character is safe, not even those who are in the inner circle, and thus catapults the whole series on a whole new level of scary.

And talking about scary – it’s this episode where Angelus really reveals for the first time how very much frightening he is. It’s not even his murder of Jenny that shows us who and what Angelus really is and what he’s capable of. It’s the subtlety with which he works on demoralizing Buffy, the way he uses his intimate knowledge to get to her – through those she loves most. (Willow’s fish in an envelope on her bed – eek!) Threatening the Slayerettes proves to be most effective and it’s not so much the murder of Jenny that crushes her, it’s what it does to Giles, and Angelus knows that.

What Angelus didn’t anticipate though is the strength of the bond between the friends. It’s the threat against Willow that, instead of weakening her, works as a wake-up call. It’s right after that incident, in the company of Willow to keep her safe that she realizes how much of herself she gave away to Angel, captured by her first real love; admitting to her friend that her first instinct amidst everything happening still is to call Angel is the first step to take charge of her life again.

In this episode it gets unmistakably clear that what might have appeared kind of endearing to many viewers – the tendency to stalk Buffy from the moment he sees her, both before and after he met her and even after coming together (“I lurk…”) – is an inherent trait that Angelus always used to his advantage in his perverse mind games and is in fact even on Angel anything but endearing, but creepy and, considering where this habit comes from, downright scary.

Passion perfectly follows through with the set up that started with Innocence, and turns out to be the episode were Buffy’s life truly takes a turn to the dramatic and changes forever. While after Innocence the hope still lingered that the loss of Angel’s soul could somehow be repaired or compensated, that there’s still something of Angel inside him that can be revived, it’s here, the moment when she hears of Jenny’s death, that Buffy realizes she has to stop him. It’s certainly one of the worst of her life, and Angel’s pleasure outside her window makes it so much worse.

So much already happened in this episode until this moment, it would’ve been a fantastic one even if it ended right there. But it doesn’t. It gives us the incredible moment between Buffy and Giles on top that shows the decision Buffy made – for her loved ones. Once more, like before in Prophecy Girl, she actively decides to fight the good fight and accept her loss – for those she loves the most. It’s where her passion lies. But this time she doesn’t sacrifice her own feelings and desires; instead she finally begins to take some of her identity back, a process she will complete in Becoming II the moment she catches the sword.

Giles acknowledges what she’s doing as what it is and how hard it is on her and reacts instantly, even though deeply grieving, with supporting her, which displays in letting her cling to him after saving him against his will and hitting him, thus accepting that she needs him, and later letting her even mourn together with him at Jenny’s grave. What started at the end of Innocence with him giving her his sympathy and respect instead of reproach and disapproval beautifully culminates here in their getting even closer than before. It’s here, I think, where Giles truly begins to grow into the role as a surrogate father. In trying to rip them apart, Angelus only managed to strengthen their bond.

But Passion is not only brilliant in its thematic tightness; it’s also outstanding in its execution. From the chilling voice-over in the beginning and ending scenes to the excellent music to directing and cutting it’s a masterpiece of television. Additionally it plays the emotional scale up and down virtuously. It contains two of the very rare scenes alone that never fail to drive me to tears – first the moment Giles climbs his stairs, such hope and joy gleaming in his eyes and turning to absolute terror the next moment, brilliantly enhanced by ‘La Bohème’ in the background;

and then the subsequent phone call to Buffy and Willow. Especially this one is brilliantly shot, reminding of a very similar shot where Angel revealed to Buffy his old true self. This time, the veil it’s shot through separates them where before it had them appear like in an enclave – together against the world. This time, it’s her friend Buffy is together with.

And then there’s the scene of Angelus hunting and murdering Jenny – truly terrific in writing, acting, lighting and filming, climaxing in the realization that it hasn't been an empty threat when Angelus said his ‘and teacher – makes – three’. Horror at its best.

Additionally there's so much happening aside this main plot - Buffy kind of forgiving Jenny for the sake of Giles; Joyce having The Talk with Buffy; Spike and Angelus becoming more and more hostile toward each other; Willow picking up the teacher's role; the first mention of Xander’s Snoopy Dance - which all contribute to making this a brilliant episode.

I love how significant the title of this episode is. It’s all about the risk of letting passion rule you and letting someone in, even if it’s someone you love, but “don’t know if I trust you” and the looming consequences if you’re making  a mistake. But it’s beautifully balanced out with the positive consequences it can have if it’s the right one to trust. Even if Buffy has to let go of Angel, thanks to her friends she doesn’t have to live a life without passion - she doesn’t have to live a life where she’s emotionally dead. And this is what in the end gives her the strength to kill the man she loves - for the greater good, but first and foremost for her friends.
freecat15: (porch profile)
And again one of my icons won the mod's choice over at [ profile] whedon_elite !
[ profile] red_satin_doll made this wonderful banner:


Thank you both, the mods and the bannermaker!


May. 26th, 2016 11:39 pm
freecat15: (happy dance)
My participation in the LIMS BTVS challenge lasted exactly one round. I hadn't expected more, and it was still fun. What I loved about it though is the concrit I got there. It's the only challenge I saw so far where voters are requested to not only vote, but also explain the reason why they voted an icon out. And of course everyone tries their best not to hurt people, so they really gave some good advice.

I took some of it and worked the participating icon over once more. They said it was too dark, which was true, the writing was too big (I had it a lot smaller, but enhanced the size in fear of it being unreadable, and I'd noticed it was a little too big in the end, but it was already way too late that night to change it again, so I let it. A mistake I won't make again...) and too dark (which I don't agree on, so I didn't change that). They were also right that the cutting away from the background was to harsh. This was something that really caught my eye in direct comparison to the other posted icons, but you don't see them before voting, so I didn't have the comparison, and I just still lack experience. (Then again, my untrained eyes maybe wouldn't have seen it even in comparison...)

I thought I show you the difference it made:

Loss1.jpg vs. 

It's really minor things I did, but the difference is still huge. I don't know if this would have kept me from being voted out, but I like it more.

So, why am I telling you all that?
I loved the concrit. I am so new to this that every advice what to do better gets me, well, better. Also, I was a little frustrated about the result (because of course I had hoped to last at least one round. Even if I knew I wouldn't, hope dies last after all, and participating without it makes no sense at all! And thank you again, red_satin_doll, for your encouraging words, they helped a lot!) and played around a bit more, and I wanted to present you the result. And (that's why I told you the whole thing) I'm not averse to getting critic on it (as long as it's constructive).

Here goes:

So, what do you think?
freecat15: (happy dance)
It took a while. Again.
I blame it on the stress I had with my son's broken leg, many, many hours at the hospital for re-casting, plural, making new x-ray photographs again, and again, and in the end having surgery after all. All I could focus on beside that and still caring for my other kids, and house keeping, and work at school, was making pretty pictures from pretty people.
But here it is, the next day of 55 days:

Day 11: Least favorite male character

Like every ‘least favorite’, this isn’t easy; there aren’t many things and characters that I don’t like, but that are still important to the show. Of course there’s Parker, and I could argue that he’s pretty important in what he and his behavior do to Buffy, but that still feels like kind of a cop out.

So I pick the one guy I truly don’t like at all – Warren.

When Warren first appeared, I still felt compassion for him. Yes, he built himself a creepy sex bot, but he did it because he felt lonely, and what he wanted from her was feeling loved, right? And at least he realized that she in no way could replace a real person.

But then he did this thing with just leaving her behind, not even giving it any thought that if he succeeded in making her so alive-like, she  maybe was capable of feeling abandoned. Hid from her even when he saw how desperately she searched for him, instead of giving her some peace of mind, or, you know, switch her off, and even after getting it he still didn't show any remorse. My sympathy made a 180 and turned into disgust instantly (which happens rarely, I almost always still find something redeemable in people!), and I cheered Katrina on when she left him.

When he reappeared in season 6, it became clear pretty quickly that his behavior wasn’t just a slip, and here's why:

Over the course of the season he displays a lot of criminal energy to achieve his goals, and doesn’t shy away from capital offense either, the museum robbery being one of them, but culminating of course at first in the intension to rape and then the manslaughter of Katrina.

On the surface still the funny guy and certainly highly intelligent, admired for this and his strength by Andrew till the end, he soon shows that he’s at the core manipulative and deeply selfish, and goes all out to get what he wants, stopping at nothing, having no qualms about throwing his friends under the bus at the first opportunity. Basically he shows almost every trait typical for psychopaths, such as high self-confidence paired with lack of conscience and empathy, charming on the outside, use of cruelty to gain empowerment, defiance of authority; he’s eloquent as a speaker which he uses to manipulate people.

That's how he seduces both Andrew and Jonathan to do nasty and even illegal things, even though neither of them is stupid or in any way evil. But for a while they bath in his attention, not realizing what he really needs them for.

It's no coincidence that The First chooses Warren to further entice Andrew to do its bidding, going even so far to have him kill his only friend Jonathan. Besides Andrew being an easy target, it's still the huge influence Warren has on him and his capabilty of being convincing.

Even though watching Warren is kind of thrilling and therefore enjoyable, I really, really don't like him. I’m firmly against death penalty. But when Willow kills him I can’t help but cheer (well, the flaying wasn’t necessary, I guess…).

Actually ‘don’t like’ isn’t a strong enough expression for Warren. He scares me, much more than any monster could, because people like him exist in reality.

He’s a true monster.


May. 22nd, 2016 12:26 am
freecat15: (happy dance)
I've tasted blood (no pun intended)! Making icons is kind of addictive, as my aching neck could tell you.
So I decided to participate here:

There's still the chance tosign up ), but only for a few hours (11 pm ET), and everyone gets a skip point, so you could still participate even if you hadn't an icon for the first challenge!

There's a really, really strong competition, so I won't last long, but that's okay. I just want to take the challenge to do something with pics I haven't chosen myself and make something with it.
*Off to sign up*
freecat15: (Giles at door)
For most of you this is probably as normal as having breakfast, but for me it's not! only three weeks after downloading GIMP (and never having done anything like it before!), I participated at [ profile] whedon_elite 's latest icon challenge, and one of my icons won the mod's choice! I never even thought anyone would vote for one of my things, and I made a happy dance each and every time it still happened, and then this!

And now I even got an award banner made by the wonderful [ profile] red_satin_doll, and isn't it beautiful?
(Okay, I have no idea if this is the common thing to do, but I post it here. I'm pretty proud of it, okay?)

freecat15: (happy dance)
I don't really give a damn about that particular day. Usually.
But when my daughter gave me this wonderful selfmade cake today (among orther things she made), I was still touched and thought I'd share with you!
So, to all of you who are mothers (also in the broader sense, which includes the 'mothers' of cats, dogs, horses or what ever you see as sort of your kids :) )  :

freecat15: (got it done)
I experimented a little with GIMP yesterday, which is still really new to me. I wanted to create an icon, but since it's way to small to be effective as icon, but I still like it, I thought I post it. The icon I did use instead (see this post) was much easier and faster done...(grumble, grumble...), but I like this one more (even if I know it's nothing special).

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